Thoughts From Chris

During these last several posts I have been writing about the different ways God spoke to me during my sabbatical time away.  Today I will give a reflection in the ministry arena. 

One of the things I wanted to do during my time away is ask the question, “What are the primary gifts/abilities God has given me, and how can I be the best steward of those gifts during my next season of ministry?”  You would think after 14 years of full-time ministry that should be a no-brainer.  However, it is always good to take a step back, ask others, and re-evaluate.

In my job I wear a lot of hats.  I can do several things well, and there are several things I don’t do too well.  What has God most wired and gifted me to do in the church and in the world to advance his kingdom?

There are several passages in Scripture that give lists of ways God gifts his people to serve him.  Some gifts are serving gifts (mercy, encouragement, helps, etc.) and others are equipping gifts (helping other people use their gifts). There is a list of equipping gifts found in Ephesians 4:11 (teaching, prophetic, evangelistic, apostolic, pastoral).  Some may see this list as roles and positions, but I believe they are gifts, and so do many scholars that I respect.  I only see two positions or offices in the church: elder and deacon. Incidentally, that is why I don’t think there is such a thing as the office or position of pastor; rather, it is is a gift (but that is for a different discussion). 

Anyway, based on the feedback I have received from others, gift tests I have taken, and the confirmation of my own evaluation, I think my primary gift is in the apostolic arena within the equipping and leadership gifts.  Of course, there are no apostles today like there were in Jesus’ day.  Those were special and unique positions that will never be repeated.  The apostolic gifting, however, is one who is gifted as a pioneer, vision caster, and one who helps chart new ground for others.  Missionaries often have an apostolic gifting. 

Call me weird, but I like change, I like trying new endeavors, I am not afraid of failing or doing things in an unconventional way, I like leading people to go in uncharted territory.  God has given me the ability to see the big picture of a certain vision and know what steps are required to move in that direction.  I often see spiritual movements and large scale directions.  Every gift has its strengths and weaknesses, as does mine, but this is simply how God has wired me.

For the church to be healthy it needs all the gifts operating.  Regarding leadership, this means all the equipping gifts must be present in order to have balance.  We need leaders who are also gifted pastorally, who are gifted as teachers, who are gifted prophetically, and who are gifted evangelistically.   As Ephesians 4:12 says, this is how the body of Christ is built up and prepared to serve others. 

Imagine if you had a church where all the leaders were just one of these equipping gifts.  The church would not be balanced.  For me, I can function at times pastorally, as a teacher, prophetically, or evangelistically, but I am most effective when I do that within an apostolic framework (in other words when the church is moving in a certain visionary direction).  

I am not sure if all this makes sense or not.  It may not be easy to grasp, but God has really confirmed this in my personal and ministry life.  Clarifying how God has wired and gifted me is so freeing.  It helps me understand why there are certain things I really enjoy and certain things that are more work.  It also helps me understand what my greatest contribution to the body is and to make sure I am operating effectively in that capacity.

How about you?  Do you have clarity regarding the way God has wired and gifted you to advance his kingdom in his church and in this world?  Are you operating today within that gifting?  If not, what steps do you need to take to receive clarity and then to move in this direction?

May we all steward the gifts and abilities God has given us for his glory and his kingdom!  No gift is superior or inferior to others.  God uses every gift and every person to bring balance, health, and spiritual power. 

During my sabbatical in May and June of this year, God spoke to my heart in several ways (personal life, marriage life, ministry life).   Here is another sabbatical reflection from my personal life. 

As I reflect back on my 14 years of full-time ministry, I think I struggled with pride particularly the first several years.  It was not a pride that necessarily had a lot of outward manifestations, but it was probably more inward.  People would regularly complement me on the job I was doing and the way God was using me in the lives of others, and I often attributed it to my hard work and dedication.  In other words, I gave myself more credit than I deserved. 

I knew pride in my heart was one of the sins I struggled with, and so I prayed often for humility.

During my middle years of ministry, maybe years 6 through 10, God allowed me to experience some struggles in ministry that really brought brokenness.  Those difficult times brought a deep humility in me that I had never experienced in the past.  As I reflect on those difficult times today, I would not change one thing because of the way God used it for good in my life. 

The last few years of ministry, however, I think I have been so fearful of pride that I have swung the pendulum over too far the other way.  When a person is over-consumed with pursuing humility he is often highly self-critical, avoids and attempts to undermine any complements people might give him, he focuses on his shortcomings more than any spiritual progress he might be making, and he minimizes and almost denies the importance of his contribution to the body of Christ (using his gifts and passions for ministry).

I think I have felt all of these things in recent years.  I have minimized the importance of my role at Grace (at times questioning if it is even needed).  Whereas in the early years of ministry, after receiving a compliment I might think to myself, “Yeah, I am pretty good aren’t I?”  In the last few years, after receiving a compliment I would be more inclined to think, “Yeah right, it wasn’t that good, if you only knew how many areas I need to improve in my life.” 

What God showed me during my sabbatical is that self-deprecation is not humility.   I don’t need to devalue the gifts God has given me in his kingdom and that my role and influence are actually important.  Instead of believing that God has little use for me, maybe God wants to use me to influence far more people in the future than he has in the past.  If that was the case, would I be up for the challenge?  Can I swing the pendulum more toward the middle away from both extremes of pride on one side and false humility (self-deprecation) on the other side?  

Humility is not about thinking less of myself; humility, rather, is about thinking of myself less.  It is giving God the credit and the glory (never stealing it from him outwardly or inwardly), but also recognizing that he uses human vessels to accomplish his divine plans – even people like you and me.   This means that we have real worth in God’s eyes, and that he can and wants to use us – even though we are imperfect. 

What I am now pursuing in my life is a humble confidence in how God wants to use me.  I believe God wants me to increase my faith in how he might want to use me in the future.   This is not a prideful elevation of myself but a humble willingness to allow him to use me to influence one person or one million people for his kingdom (whatever he chooses). 

I am not there yet, but I am excited to see God give me a more balanced, healthy, and biblical perspective as I make myself more available to him with both genuine humility and expectant faith and confidence. 

During my time away on my sabbatical I had many people speak into my life, and I spent time trying to gain perspective on my future.  I feel I received insight into many different areas.  Let me give one of those insights in the personal realm.  I  have become aware that as I view my relationship with God, I predominantly see myself as a hard working servant of Christ.  I love progress and growth in life, and I am consistently striving to serve God in greater ways.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with being a hard-working servant of God.  In fact, we are all called to serve God.  I Peter 2:16 says,  “Live as free men, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as servants of God.”

At the same time, it is also true that everyone who follows and worships Jesus in life is a son or daughter of God.  This isn’t just someone who is God’s servant, tending the garden as an employee; rather, this is someone who is a cherished son or daughter of the king. 

If you have ever seen the TV show “The Apprentice” you know that Donald Trump interviews and evaluates potential hires – people who will work for him and represent him (a coveted position to work for one of the richest men in the world). 

In the TV show, however, as he is interviewing these candidates, who is usually to his right and left?  His son and daughter.  Do they work for their dad?  Absolutely.  However, everyone knows those two are in a league all by themselves as they work alongside other employees.  They are family.

Romans 8:15-17 says, “For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”

God is my dad, and Jesus is my brother.  I am in the family.

I don’t need to prove my love to my dad.  I don’t need to earn his love by my hard work.  He is not going to fire me and disown me if I mess up. 

The realization that I am not just a hard working servant of God but a cherished son of the king is something I don’t think I understand too well.  I think my imbalanced understanding of this has affected me and my perspective in life more than I realize.

I believe God wants to take me on a personal journey during this next season of my life and help me understand what it truly means to be his cherished son.  The thought that God would pat me on the back and say, “I am proud of you son,” is a foreign concept to me today.  I hope that as I understand his unconditional love and my position in Jesus, this will be something I believe on a regular basis as I serve and glorify my heavenly father. 

I have just returned from my two month sabbatical.  I have many things to share regarding what I learned.  Some of the things could have been predicted.  However, most of them would not have been (at least by me anyway).  I believe God spoke to me in several areas of my life, and I have categorized them into three different segments:  personal life, married life, and church life. 

There are far too many things for me to share in one post, therefore, I am planning to share them over the course of several posts. 

I guess, as an introduction, I would say that I was surprised by the fact that I needed some time away in order to hear from God in several key areas of my life.  If you were to ask me six months ago if I was burned out of ministry, I would have said, “no.”  Now that I am on this side of my sabbatical, I realize that I was at least partially burned out (and probably at some point would have been completely).   It has been a fast moving 14 years in my job.  Today, however, I sense renewal and greater amounts of passion for this next season.

Sometimes we need time away (maybe a day, a weekend, or even longer).  We need some time to disconnect from all the demands and allow God to give us perspective in areas that just cannot happen while in the daily grind.  This is what God has given me: perspective in areas I didn’t know I needed.

As I share these many reflections over the next few weeks, I want to be vulnerable and transparent.  Not everything God shared in my heart was easy, some of it was painful, some of it was joyful, but all of it was beneficial and rewarding.

As I open up in these areas of personal life, married life, and church life, I pray that you will be encouraged to seek rest in some kind of way, and ask God to reveal things to you about your life.  One of my prayers during my sabbatical that I said to God over and over again is a simple prayer that Samuel made before God revealed himself to him, “Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.” (I Sam. 3:9)

I pray that you will find some time to get away and pray these same words as well.

“Speak Lord, for your servant is listening.”