Thoughts From Chris

One of the common messages teens hear today is the message of abstinence.  The message goes something like this:

“Make a commitment to not have sex until you are married.  God wants you to ‘save yourself sexually’ for your future mate.  Just think of how beautiful it would be for you to give your future spouse the gift of your virginity.  Not only does God want you to wait until you are married, there are also many other practical reasons it is good and right to not be sexually active before marriage.  STD’s are common today among sexually active teens.  You are placing your body and your future spouse at risk if you place yourself in a position to get one of the many STD’s.  Safe sex or protected sex is not only no guarantee against STD’s or potential pregnancy, it violates God divine plan for sexual purity. ”

This is the basic message of abstinence.  The main problem with this message is that it sets the bar too low.  Remaining a virgin until one gets married is a worthy desire, but it is an inadequate substitute for true, godly purity.

The reason the message of abstinence is inadequate is because godly purity is about a heart and mind of purity – not simply the abstinence of a physical act.   Understanding this distinction is critical in pursuing deep and inward sexual purity.  Consider the following verses:

^“For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander.” (Matt. 15:19)

“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.” (Job 31:1)

^“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” (Eph. 5:3)

Sexual purity from a biblical perspective means that sexual thoughts only occur within a marriage relationship.  Sexual purity is a mind and heart issue.  All impurity begins in the mind.  That is the battleground of pursuing purity.  Sexual acts always begin in the mind.  This is why abstinence or avoiding STD’s are inadequate (they address behavior).   Someone can remain a virgin and yet be filled with immorality in the mind and in various kinds of actions.  This also is the impetus for the question, “how far is too far?”  When sexual purity is relegated to curbing behavior, there will always be a question of where the line should be.

However, when purity is pursued in the mind, the line simply becomes anything that instigates impure thoughts.  This is not difficult to determine. 

Practically, we have been trying to plant some initial seeds in the minds of our children (who are elementary age).  The window of opportunity we have capitalized on is t.v.  Television shows aimed at elementary children already begin at a young age with the concepts of boyfriend, girlfriend, kissing, etc.  We have had numerous conversations with our children that these kinds of pursuits are not appropriate for their age and are really more appropriate when one gets into college.  When our kids see these things on t.v. now (even among their own age level shows) their radars go up, and they know these things are not appropriate for them.

As parents we have a great opportunity to plant seeds before they get into middle school and high school when these feelings become much stronger.  We are trying to build parameters in their minds early in the process that romance is really for those who are much older (even though the media begins planting these thoughts into children who are in elementary and middle school). 

Again, this is another opportunity for us as parents to train our kids to know the difference between how the world lives and how followers of Christ live.   They are being inundated already as second and third graders that pursuing romantic feelings is acceptable and normal for kids or even teens in school.  We are doing what we can to shape them in a very different way.  It is helping them develop the muscle of morality when they are still very young. 

We pray almost every day for our kids purity – not just that they will be virgins when they get married, but biblical purity in the heart and mind. 

If you still have children living at home I want to encourage you with the difficult task of training them to be critical thinkers.  Parenting is not one of the easy things of life.  We all need to be encouraged and challenged at times with how we parent.  It is hard work.  One of the many challenges of parenting is the balance of teaching our children to respect and obey authority, while at the same time teaching them that it is OK to question authority. 

My six year old son came home a couple of weeks ago with a book from the library at his school he wanted me to read to him.   As I started to read it, I realized the book was coming from an evolutionary perspective on the origin of life.   Our kids don’t go to a Christian school, therefore, evolution is what they get taught.

Evolution is what many people in our society believe, and so I am thankful they are learning it.  It also gives my wife and I a great opportunity to train our kids how to be critical thinkers – that it is actually OK to question authority.  We want them to learn that not everything their teachers teach is ALWAYS right, that not everything their church teaches is ALWAYS right, and that not even what their parents teach is ALWAYS right. 

We want our kids to be submissive to authority and respectful, but we also want them to learn how to use the lens of Scripture to decipher truth from error and to evaluate what they get taught.  Teachers, church leaders, and parents can and will all make mistakes but everything must be tested by Scripture.

We recently sat our third grader, second grader, and kindergartner down and talked about evolution and then talked about Genesis one.  We want them to know that there is a disparity between what the world often believes and what God says.  It was a great conversation. 

We have also already had some brief conversations about other issues in this same vein like homosexuality, abortion, sexuality, the way our society views boyfriend/girlfriend relationships, modesty in dress, friends they have of other religions, etc. 

Out in the world they will and already are engaging in so much stuff.  We want to train them how to think these things through biblically. At the same time we want them to learn how to respect people who believe differently.  We don’t want them to be judgmental against people who may believe abortion should be a choice or homosexuality is simply an acceptable sexual orientation or that all religions lead to God.  We are trying to train our kids to believe differently based on Scripture regarding these and other things, but we also are just as motivated to train them how to love, serve, befriend, and get along with people who believe and practice things we believe are not right.  We want them to avoid relativism (everyone’s views are equally true), and we want them to avoid arrogance (a prideful demeanor of “I’m right and let me prove to you how wrong you are”).

Like I said, parenting is not easy.  It is hard work.  Whether your children go to a Christian school, public school, or are home schooled, I encourage you to teach your children not only what God says but what the world teaches as well (and teach them the delicate balance of how to respect people who believe differently).  Counsel them how to navigate through a world that will bombard them with challenges to their young faith (as well as the delicate balance of respecting authority while at the same time questioning authority).  We don’t simply want clones of ourselves, we want independently thinking children who are following Christ and influencing other children to follow Christ as well. 

And lastly, let me say, it is not too late to teach teenagers these things (or even adults for that matter), but if at all possible, let’s begin instilling these things in our elementary children.   The earlier we can train them to think critically and biblically, the more potential they will have to be leaders of those around them and not simply followers of the masses.

If you are in the trenches right now with this stuff (like we are), and feel like you fail more times than you succeed (like we do), be encouraged and don’t lose heart.  Keep going after it.  You are not alone.  It is worth it in the end.

Here is a picture of my dinner tonight.  Actually, this is also what I ate for my lunch today.  Actually, this is what I ate for breakfast today as well. 

This weekend many of our teens, from the challenge of Brian Smeltzer, will be eating beans and rice throughout the weekend.   He invited anyone from our church to take the challenge with them also.  I know of many families and adults who will be participating this weekend. 

My family will be in Colorado this weekend at my sister’s wedding (a wedding I have been praying for during the last 15 years by the way). All six of us will be in the wedding.  Should be a great time.

Because we will be gone this weekend, we decided that we would participate in this exercise early (yesterday and today).  It has been very interesting.  Our two oldest kids participated with Kathy and myself.  Our second grade child lasted one day and our third grade child last both days.  I am very proud of them both.

It is estimated that nearly 16,000 children die of starvation every day (click here for hunger facts).  What a concept in the 21st Century.  Nearly half of the world has a regular diet of beans and rice.  It is considered a luxury to simply have food.  The point of our exercise is to place ourselves in the shoes of many in our world (at least in the arena of food).

These last two days have been a little more challenging than I first anticipated.  God has shown me many things, however.  I will not share them at this point becuase many will be taking the challenge this weekend.  It has been very good.

Here are a couple of websites Brian passed to me that are related to this topic.  I encourage you to check them out.

Beans and Rice Link (click here)

Advent Conspiracy Link (click here) (several very compelling short videos regarding Christmas – particularly the one called “Enter the Story”)

Somehow I injured my foot the other day.  Not sure how I did it.  No idea.  On Wednesday it hurt all day long.  On Thursday it got progressively worse – so much so that I broke down and made a doctor appointment for today (Friday).  I go to the doctor for something, probably less than once a year (in other words, rarely).

Over the last few months I have been training my kids in areas of being Spirit-led.  One of those areas has been in the power of prayer.  Last Saturday we went downtown again and hung out at the bus stop.  My eight, seven, and five year old laid hands on many people and prayed for them.  They prayed for people who need jobs, cars, physical healing, spiritual direction, housing, etc.   I love the exposure they (as well as I) are getting with people who have all kinds of needs. We are all learning tons.

Anyway, last night, God once again reminded me that I have not asked anyone to lay hands on me and pray for healing. I simply planned to seek a doctor (without seeking God first).  I then asked all three of my kids to lay hands on me and pray for healing.  They all did. 

I woke up this morning, planning to go to my appointment. God had other plans, however. My foot is significantly better, and I have no need to seek a doctor.  Would it be just as better today without that prayer last night?  Only God knows.  My conclusion is that God used the prayer of my kids to bring healing.

I think we have so much to learn about what God can do through faith, trust, and a life of truly seeking him.  God certainly doesn’t always heal, but how many times would he, if we seek him?

(Lastly, I am teaching a new welcome class this Sunday afternoon and next Sunday.  Anyone who wishes to sign up can do that by contacting Sue at sheckley@gracegathering.com.)

I write as someone who is humbly seeking the power of God – and who has a long way to go.

We are handing over the entire Sunday morning service to our teens the next two Sundays.  Every aspect of the service will be lead by a teenager. 

Often, people talk about training our teens and giving them opportunities to lead so that it will better prepare them for future leadership in the church.  I would beg to differ when it comes to this philosophy.

I believe teens are leaders in the church today.  The last time I checked following Jesus in the church was not an 18 and over kind of thing (although you would not know that in most of our churches today).

I love to be lead, inspired, and motivated by seeing teens follow Jesus in their context of life. Teenagers often have a sense authenticity that is not as easliy marked by the skepticism experienced in adults. 

They also usually are not as graceful as seasoned adults and can come across more raw.  I love that about them. 

What will our teens teach us these next two Sundays?  What are they teaching us as we engage with them in our day to day lives?  Instead of adults trying to teach and lead teens, let’s let these teens teach and lead us adults. 

To our teenagers: we have much to learn from your faith and example. 

Scott and I just returned from our trip. I have been to many church conferences over the years and I have visited many churches.  I don’t think I have experienced a church as healthy and exciting as the one we just experienced in Sheffield, England.  We lived out this church throughout the week, and it certainly felt like the name the experience was called: The Pilgrimage. 

No church is perfect, and St. Thomas would be the first one to tell you about their weaknesses, but I have been inspired in ways I did not anticipate.  They are so intentional and focused on who they want to become and what they want to do, they refer to themselves as partly a church and partly a missionary community. 

The three areas most notable to me were the following:

1)    Very biblically grounded and very strong on character discipleship.  The quality of their disciple making was amazing to me. They are building strong and solid follwers of Jesus. 

2)     A refreshing sensitivity to the leading and power of the Holy Spirit.  This church truly believes and practices the gifts of the Spirit and does it in one of the most balanced and healthy ways I have ever seen.

3)     The development of a mindset that in all they do, they are missionaries on a mission field. Within the DNA of the church, most people actually believe that God has sent them to be missionaries to the people around them and to their city.  This leads to serving people, loving people, and sharing the gospel with people as well.  They believe they are to be conduits of God’s grace and blessing to those around them. 

On the last day one of the leading pastors summed up the experience by saying something to the effect: “We want to bring the foundation of the Word and the ministry of the Spirit together in harmony within the context of a missionary environment.”

This was so much more than learning how to make house churches more effective, or how to follow a certain church model.   They talked very sparingly about that kind of stuff (although we did get some practical suggestions that will help in that regard).  What Scott and I experienced was what the church can look like when authentic discipleship, Spiritual filling and sensitivity, and a missionary mindset all become a lifestyle among the people and not simply a check off list. 

As Scott and I debriefed on our eight hour plane ride home yesterday, we both were convinced that Grace is already heading in this direction in so many ways. 

As we shared Grace’s story with leaders from around the world last week, so many people were amazed and excited for us.  While  Grace will never mirror this church in England, nor would we ever want to as every church is unique, I felt like Scott and I went up on the mountain and God showed us what Grace could like 5 years from now if we continue to get on our knees and seek his face in these critical areas. Let me tell you, it would be an exciting place to be.

My first and most important takeaway, having experienced this pilgrimage, has nothing to do with how I want to lead Grace Gathering, however.  My first area of focus is to better lead my family in these areas, because if I am not leading my family, I have no business trying to help lead God’s church.  I have a long way to go in this regard, but I believe it starts there and will eventually spill over into the church as God’s Spirit moves.  I am looking so forward to the journey!

Look forward to sharing more over time.

Final Note:  Please be praying for the 60 people from Grace who are in Mexico right now.  They are focusing on ministry to teens there. I think Craig Eakright is blogging their trip.  You can read that at craigeakright.com.